Exactly a year ago today, I lost Prince, unexpectedly, suddenly, and horribly. You can read the last blog entry I made to see the details.
Another beautiful little soul, another Miniature Pinscher, named Easton came into my life in early May. He is sweet, beautiful, with soulful eyes, loving, and adorable – just like Prince was. Disposable to his real owners. As so many beautiful souls seem to be. Disposable.
On June 10, he became paralyzed in 3 of his legs. He was down. He could not get up. It has been an ongoing battle trying to figure out what was wrong with him. So many tests were done…. lots of vet expenses.
We knew from the CT scan that we had done 2 weeks earlier, that he had multiple disks herniated in his neck. But that didn’t answer the questions as to why all 3 legs were no longer working. It didn’t answer the question as to why he was walking after the CT scan, and 3 days later went down again.
Then we did X-rays, and an ultrasound to rule out cancer. And we have done 2 blood panels. He is a super healthy boy in all other ways…. super healthy.
Today we did a Myelogram, and discovered that not only did he have multiple disks herniated in his neck, but one in the thoracic region just below the neck line, which was the offending disk, causing his front end paralysis. To reach this disk, we would have to open up his chest and go in from there to try to repair the disk. This surgery is far too risky, and we had to opt against it.
As they went further down his spine, they discovered another disk in his lumbar region that was causing his hind end paralysis. This could be operated on, but the prognosis is unclear. We wouldn’t know if after the surgery, he would be able to regain use of his hind legs. We don’t know if we put him through all of this, if he would be able to walk. If it works we have a dog with 3 working legs. If it doesn’t work, we put him through all that for nothing. All the unknowns are causing me huge grief right now.
I simply do not know which path to take here. Why do I have such hard cases – hard decisions… playing god so to speak. I don’t like doing this. I try so hard to give all I can to ensure each dog has a better life, no matter how long, or short that life is. But over the past year – the sheer amount of losses I have had to endure, is truly breaking me.
Why do people leave their animals to suffer, and then to end up in a shelter to die?
Why can you not stick by your animal through thick and thin, til the last days of it’s life?
Why do you expect others to suffer the pain of letting that animal cross over rainbow bridge?
Even if you cannot afford it, at least be there for your dog when it is time to go humanely.
Stop passing the buck.
There, I said it.
I am angry.
For now, I will try my best to do what is right for Easton, even though at this moment, I really do not know what the right thing is to do. I have booked an acupuncture appointment tomorrow, with the hopes that it may relieve some pressure on the disks and open up some pathways. Maybe, just maybe… he will be able to move his legs and a miracle will happen. Maybe Love will heal all his wounds.
I am so torn. My heart is breaking again with the thought of having to let him go. Another dog I shared my life with for such a short time. Another dog I share my heart with and give my love to – for only just a moment.
I love you Easton, and I will do my best for you. Stay strong little man. I have not abandoned you.
I will Love you til the very end, and be there every step of the way.
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