I’ve come to the Fork in the Road

When I was a little girl, and through my teens – I always wondered who my Prince Charming would be.  When we were growing up, we’d watch all these cartoons and read stories of “Prince Charming”.  Later on, when I started dating, every relationship was longer term, but just not right.  I got into a very abusive relationship, landing me in the hospital, and having to testify in court.   I learned from that experience, and promised myself I would never let myself down like that again.

The last relationship I was in wasn’t physically abusive, but mentally just the same.  I did it again. I sold myself short.  I finally got the courage to end it, I wasn’t happy anymore.  I had my dogs at the time….. and he just didn’t see eye to eye in that department.  And there were too many games.  That was about 8 years ago.  Around the time I started rescuing dogs more and more.

And so became the Dhana Metta Rescue Society.

dmrslogo

Since then, Dhana Metta Rescue Society has grown. Into a reputable rescue, with many animals that have come through our doors.  And some that will live out their lives here.

I had chosen this path – to help as much as I could, the old, the sick, the disabled, the behaviorally challenged.  And of course the ones that just needed a place to land until a new forever home could be found.  However, my original plan was to educate.  To open an education centre – so that people could learn how to overcome the issues that led them to want to give up their pets.   To educate people about spaying and neutering and the consequences of breeding and over breeding.  To have seminars on pet health, training and more.

Along the way, I lost sight of the original plan, because I became all too consumed with just saving the animals – getting them out of a bad situation, getting them the desperate medical care they needed so they no longer had to suffer.  Getting the adoptable dogs into forever homes.  Doing home visits, reviewing applications, taking the animals to the vet (almost every day I was at the vet). Doing transports, organizing, paperwork and so much more that is involved.

Then at the age of 45, I finally met my Prince Charming.

On May 28, 2015, an 8 year old Miniature Pinscher came into my care.  His name was Prince. He was handsome but rough. He was red and tan, with big brown eyes, with a fragile stature.  When I saw him in his crate, I instantly felt sorry for him and had to get him out of there.   I took him out and his belly was so distended I knew he must have had Cushing’s disease.  I took him for a little walk, and he was unbalanced, trying to keep himself up.  He drank water like it was going out of style.

I took him to the vet and had his geriatric blood panel done.  We confirmed his Cushing’s disease, and started him on the appropriate medication.  He had his recheck done 2 weeks later, and the dosage was good.  He was feeling better, he was happy, he was eating and not drinking excessive amounts of water.  He was on the road to recovery!  I was so happy.

I planned on sending him to a foster home, now that we had him on a good care regiment.  Then one day, I looked at him and thought, No….. he should stay here with me, and Satchiko.  I loved him.  That face.  Those eyes.  That smile.  He was always so grateful and he made sure you knew it.

Not too long after I made the decision to keep him with me at headquarters, we woke up as we always do, and went outside for bathroom time.  Something was wrong.  He couldn’t breath… he was choking.  I thought he had an obstruction in his throat, I tried to clear his airways.  But his tongue was turning blue, and his gums were going white.  He passed out on me and I thought he had died.  I got him up, breathing, and we rushed to the vet.

I spent most of the morning at the vet.  They got a tube into Prince.  So he could get air.  And then they told me he had a large tumour in his throat and it was restricting his airway.  He could no longer breath on his own.  I had 2 choices.  1) to do a tracheostomy – a hole in his throat with a tube so he could breath – and he would live with that tube for the rest of his life,        or   2) to let him go to heaven and end his suffering.

I couldn’t make a decision right there, you see, this is something I was not expecting.  My plan was to give Prince the best life I could give him… to give him a soft bed to sleep on, love, cuddles, friends, walks – and a good life, for a number of years to come.  I had to go home…. to clear my head. To talk to friends.  This was so tormenting for me. This was so sudden.  What happened?  He was fine!  He was happy! He was seemingly healthy!  How could he just take this sudden turn for the worst?

I was not prepared for this.  I was not expecting my day to go like this. I was not ready to make such a big decision.  I wanted with all my heart to save him – to love him – to spend more time with him.  .

Seeing him struggling to breath was killing me.  I had to let him go. I wanted him to feel my love, hear my voice and be at peace knowing he was so loved by me while he crossed over the bridge.  Unconditionally loved by me.

It was only 28 days that I got to share my life with my Prince before I had to say goodbye.  Letting him go has broken my heart into a million pieces.  And since then, June 24, 2015 – I haven’t been the same.  I feel empty, foggy, lost.  I feel the path I have chosen, wasn’t the right path, but it was the right path for that period of time in my life.

But Now, I have hit the fork in the road, and I have to choose which way to go.

My Prince Charming had finally arrived, but he left far too soon. What was His purpose?  To change my life.  To open my eyes.  To make my heart feel something I never wanted to feel again, and in fact to Make me feel again.  To make me feel so empty, that I now realize I need to do something different to fill that empty space.

I have come to the realization that if I continue on the path that I was on, I will never accomplish the original goal I had set out to reach.  My life consists of caring for many many lives.  Everyday, every night, 24/7.  No breaks, no holidays, and 85% of the time,  I do this all alone.  Volunteers come and go, they never stay.  Most come a few times, and then they are gone.  We don’t have the funds to have staff, so I do what needs to be done, daily.  Lives need to be taken care of, there is no time to wait for others to come and do the work.  I am exhausted.

  Although I love each and every life that I have cared for and currently care for…. it does consume all of my time.  As you can see, I don’t even have any time to update my blog….  and

So much so, that I didn’t even get to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine – Gail Fox – before she passed away of cancer on May 29, 2015.  That day I sat on my stairs and cried.  I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do all the things I had to do.  I grieved for half an hour, and forced myself to get up – because I had to get up, I had to keep going, I had no choice.  The animals were waiting.  I never gave myself a chance to feel the great pain of her loss.  Throughout the day, I would break out into tears, and then shake it off, cause someone needed to be fed, or bathroomed, or cuddled.  There were no volunteers here that day, and I had to keep on going no matter how terrible I felt.

Today while I type this, I still feel completely empty inside, my eyes are always foggy.  I have no motivation. I feel dead inside. I need to make a hard decision, that many of my supporters and people that I work with will find disappointing. I’m sorry to disappoint you my friends, truly I am.  But I can no longer continue to disappoint myself.  It’s time for Rescue Mommy to take a break.  We will be closed for intakes, after the last 3 dogs that have been on the waiting list for some time, actually arrive.

Our last 3 intakes will be 2 paralyzed dogs (Half Pipe and Yoji) , and one medium senior lumpy bumpy dude (Mr. T). I promised to help them, and I will keep my promise to them.  I hope you help us keep that promise by helping us fund their transport and ongoing medical requirements until forever homes are found.

Please see our next blog entry for their information and how you can help us help them.

https://dhanametta.wordpress.com/2015/07/04/2338/

Dhana Metta is a Sanctuary for special needs dogs, and my promise to each and every one of them stands.  I will care for them for the rest of their lives.  I hope that all the Dhana Metta supporters continue to donate towards the care of the animals, and help us with our current outstanding vet and supply expenses.  Our Vet Expenses Alone, for the last 6 months tallied up to just under $19,000.

I want to ensure all of you that my choice to stop intakes, is because I need to focus on a greater goal.  Something bigger and better.  If I am always the only one to care for all the animals at headquarters – I will have zero time to focus on the bigger picture.

I will be back – as a better person, a happier person, a person with a purpose!  Please stay tuned, I am sure you will all be very happy with the outcome, as I hope to be.

Prince Updated

To continue to support the Dhana Metta Rescue Society, please donate today by clicking on the link below:

http://www.dhanamettarescuesociety.org/to-donate/

Thank you!!

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3 Comments

  1. Cathi Perez said,

    July 6, 2015 at 7:45 am

    Heal your broken heart my dear friend, find your joy and peace again. We all love you so.

  2. Teresa said,

    July 6, 2015 at 11:55 am

    I know your pain well. Many years ago, I lost a young Great Dane after a full month of trying to stop HOD and giving her a good quality life ahead. I found myself bargaining with God if she would just live and have a good life ahead. 31 days after arriving, she left me at 4:00am as I laid on the floor next to her. I have never before or since felt such loss and I’d only known her a short month. I wanted to quit rescue. I wanted to stop doing everything. I am not a crying woman and I broke out in tears for months every time I thought of her or mentioned her.
    Who knows why some affect us more than others but I do believe there is a reason. Maybe to shift paths moving forward. Maybe to realize our purpose. For me it was to push forward to help others who needed it.
    Hugs and only time will soften your pain. Only time will fill your heart back full.

  3. Georgis said,

    August 30, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    Time heals all wounds… or so they say.

    Every time I take Teddy for a walk people stop me to say “are there more like him?”

    My life has changed so much after the adoption of one of your treasures. I can’t imagine my life without him now.

    I wish you joy, peace and love.

    With extreme gratitude,

    Georgia


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